Friday, December 16, 2011

Christmas

So after Thanksgiving comes Christmas. Christmas is supposed to Jesus birthday. But sadly my friend, you are mistaken. This tale takes place in mid December, around the 20th. It was cold outside, and Jesus was at a restaurant eating cookies and hot chocolate. She was wearing a one of a kind special hat. Next to her thumped down was a fat old homeless man with a long white beard and red outfit on.







He looked cold since it was snowy outside and he was living in an old red sled. Since Jesus was nice and hospitable she gave him her hat. This act of kindness inspired to old fat man to steal a bunch of reindeer, little people, and 2.5 trillion dollars. His hat and him set off to the secluded north pole.

He enslaved the little people to do all of his work and every Christmas he uses his magical homeless fat man powers to give all the less fortunate people gifts to brighten their year. A lot of people were completely devoted to Jesus by now so they all got really confused and though it was her birthday. But that's wrong. Jesus never really cared enough to set anybody straight and ate some cake. So its cool.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thanksgiving

Jesus is thankful for a lot of things, especially her nifty worshipers. Especially one. His name was John. Now he didn't marry Pocahontas or do any of that other stuff. He was a turkey farmer, and he had the coolest turkey in all the land. Now remember, this was way back in the 70's..

So Jesus walked up to John in her fabulous 70's blue dyed hair which everybody loved and nobody thought was weird because they were all crazy anyways, and asked him "Hey man, can I like have one of those sweet turkeys? I saw how radical they were and I'm going to make a holiday all about your turkeys. I just love them so much."  John replied, "Yeeah man.. Take this one. I think we should name it Thanksgiving because I'm so thankful you're alive.. And  you have the sweetest utter ever."


Then, everybody ate sweet turkey and other food, which made them all really fat after years of glorious celebration. Nobody really cared though. We all loved food.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

My Pain Scale


1: I'm okay with this, Why am I even here?

2: Something doesn't feel right..

3: It hurts all over...

4: There is a distinct hole profusely bleeding out of my stomach. Please help.

5: My eyebrow.. It feels like it has cancer...

6: I'M LAYING ON THE FLOOR AND BLOOD IS SHOOTING OUT OF ME. HELP.

7: Did my EYEBROW just SERIOUSLY fall OFF?

8: Yep. That's a sword.

9: Wat.

10: Dead


Bye.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Blargh,

I read other blogs that are about more important stuff. More important that my silly pondering. Well this post was going to be about socks. I love socks. Especially the socks I'm wearing now. They go up to my knees and are squishy and warm. If that makes sense...

Well I would write about important stuff. But I don't find it as important as this. These random story's are more important to me because its fun. I enjoy writing this, and in my mind this is more important then dwelling on world problems. Who wants to think and spend time on things that are depressing? I have bigger burritos to worry about.


Thursday, August 18, 2011

Vidya

Yesterday my brother helped me create my steam account and play Portal. I was highly amused. Now, I have more games like TF2 and such. I've been putting off playing those games because they tend to stress me out and I get freaked out. My paint program is broken so I can't draw any pictures. Anyways, if y'all ever saw me play vidya games you would know I scream and get scared. Its just bad.. .I have no reaction time... :(

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

:cats:

you never saw anything.

Duck lips and head angles

I had a picture of me with my head at an obscure angle and duck lips, but it looked so unattractive I was not able to post it. It baffles me that girls think that is attractive. Or when the light of the camera flashes so you cannot see the beginning of your eyebrows, therefore widening your eyes giving you a "big eyed deer" facade. Let me tell you, it doesn't. Just makes you look like creepy chan...

Anyways, I have a picture of my utter.

Yes, I know I have no shame. What I should do is simply update that post, but I don't know how so why not make a BRAND NEW ONE!!!

Also, I have no arms. I type with my face.